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U3A Training

Government Initiative WOT2015/687/July* has allocated funding for training.

The following courses are available to all paid up members free of charge book through the Business Secretary. Non-members will be asked to contribute a large fee.

Courses

Personal Development Courses

U3A PD110 Creative Suffering

U3A PD120 Overcoming Peace of Mind

U3A PD130 Ego Gratification through Non Violence

U3A PD140 Whine Your Way to Alienation 

U3A PD150 Creep Your Way onto Committees

U3A PD160 Feigning Knowledge - (a Personal Advancement Strategy)

U3A PD170 Carrying Papers and Folders Whilst Walking Briskly

U3A PD180 Keeping Facts Out of the Management Structure

U3A PD190 Effective Stupidity

U3A PD200 Discovering Clock Watching - (committee members only)

U3A PD210 How to Appear Interested - (a Pre-Requisite to PD160)

U3A PD220 How to Create Problems 

U3A PD230 Planning Without Forethought

U3A PD245 Dumb Insolence - A Practitioner’s Guide

U3A PD250 Speed Reading Without Comprehension

U3A PD260 Agreeing with the Chair - (Includes practical exercises in nodding with an Understanding Look, and Fake Laughter at the Chair’s Jokes)

Business Development Courses

U3A BD115 Mis-understanding Abbreviations -A Beginners Guide

U3A BD125 Prominence Through Under -Achievements

U3A BD145 Instilling Panic in Others -(To be taken in Conjunction with PD230)

U3A BD155 or 159 Indecision - Which way now? - (Course according to experience)

U3A BD165 Backstabbing - An Introduction

E-Learning Courses

U3A ED177 It Wasn’t Me – (A Guide to Blame)

U3A ED186 Cover My Back - (How to Drag Others in on Your Mistakes)

U3A ED190 It’s Not My Job - An Introduction on How to Get Others to do your Work

Health and Safety Courses

U3A HS217 How to De-Dandruff Your Keyboard

U3A HS250 Developing Eyestrain

U3A HS250 Attention Loss

U3A HS350 How to Lift Incorrectly - (An Annual Requirement & Pre-Requisite to HS422)

U3A HS422 Industrial Injury - Claiming Compensation

U3A HS501 Fridge De-Frosting & Coffee Making 

*Government Initiative Waste Of Time 2015/687/July

Funnies

(click on cartoons)

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.
Cartoon-Why-Bother

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Cartoon-Microwave
I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Cartoon-Improve-Aim
A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?"

The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is."

The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer. "Honey, what's for dinner?" He repeats this several times, until he's standing right next to her.

Finally, she answers, "For the tenth time, I said we're having Pot Roast!"
Maths Test - Cartoon
California Vinters in the Napa Valley area. which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Griglo wines have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More
Cartoon-Pole-Dancing Cigars Bad For You - Cartoon