Mawdesley Villages

Light relief

This page will have messages/jokes/activities from the Chair and other members and news/pictures from the Groups to keep up our spirits.

Tuesday 10th August

Answers to Sam's Friday Quiz:

1. WHAT IS FILM AND COMIC CHARACTER DICK GRAYSON’S ALTER EGO? Batman and Robin
2. WHAT TWO-TIME NOBEL PRIZE WINNER WAS A PROPONENT OF VITAMIN C? Linus Pauling
3. WHO INVENTED THE CENTIGRADE SCALE? Anders Celsius
4. WHICH AMERICAN ACTOR DIED PLAYING GOLF IN LA MORALEJA, MADRID? Bing Crosby
5. WHICH CHEMICAL ELEMENT GETS ITS NAME FROM A GREEK WORD MEANING “STRANGER”?Xenon
6. WHICH TWO PLANETS DO NOT HAVE MOONS?Mercury and Venus
7. WHO WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE IN 1954 FOR CHEMISTRY AND THE 1962 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE?Linus Pauling
8. WHICH IS MORE DENSE: THE SUN OR WATER? The sun, 1.41 times as dense
9. WHICH WORD COMMONLY USED IN ENGLISH AND OTHER LANGUAGES, IS THE TAMIL WORD FOR “SAUCE”? Curry (Kari)
10. WHO SAID DURING WW 11 “DRINK IS DOING US MORE DAMAGE THAN ALL THE GERMAN SUBMARINES PUT TOGETHER”? Lloyd George
11. WHICH BASEBALL STAR DID MARILYN MONROE MARRY IN JANUARY 1954? Joe Dimaggio
12. IF A DISH IS “a la Florentine” WHICH INGREDIENT IS IT ASSUMED TO HAVE? Spinach
13. WHICH FILM BEGAN WITH THE FOLLOWING NARRATION? “I NEVER KNEW THE OLD VIENNA BEFORE THE WAR WITH ITS STRAUSS MUSIC, ITS GLAMOUR AND EASY CHARM. CONSTANTINOPLE SUITED ME BETTER”. "The Third Man", allegedly narrated by Carol Reed
14. “DON’T DREAM IT, BE IT” IS THE TAGLINE OF WHICH MOVIE? The Rocky Horror Picture Show
15. WHAT IS THE PURPLE INK TO STAMP MEAT NORMALLY MADE OF? The skins of dark grapes

These answers and today's Flowers and Trees quiz can be found from links on this page.

Sunday 9th August

A Northern Farmer

A Northern farmer went into his local newspaper office to arrange a death notice for his late wife. The assistant counted the words and said, for the same price, he could have four more.

Accordingly, the following week there appeared: “Mary, beloved wife of Arthur Stringer, died on September 14th aged 84. Funeral at St John’s Church on September 21st at 12 noon. Also, tractor for sale”.

Saturday 8th August

In case you've not seen these Coronavirus jokes:

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only.  A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.  He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."  

I stepped on my scale this morning.  It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale.

Friday 7th August

The quiz and the answers to the Famous Men quiz can also be viewed by links on this page.

Thursday 6th August

New monthly budget:  
Gas £0  
Entertainment £0  
Clothes £0   
Groceries £2,799.
Breaking News:  Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.  Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.

Wednesday 5th August

Some events from history that too place on this date - more can be found on: www.beautifulbritain.co.uk

910 The last major Viking army to raid England was defeated at the Battle of Tettenhall by the allied forces of Mercia and Wessex, led by King Edward and Earl Aethelred.

1100 Henry I was crowned King of England in Westminster Abbey.

1583 English soldier and navigator Sir Humphrey Gilbert (half-brother of Sir Walter Raleigh) established the first English colony in North America, at what is now St John's, Newfoundland and claimed it for Elizabeth I.

1816 Francis Ronalds built the first working electric telegraph in his garden on Hammersmith's Upper Mall. He offered his new invention to the Government, who dismissed it as being 'wholly unnecessary'. At this time the government was relying on a visual system (the semaphore) and it took a further 20 years for the electric telegraph to be commercialised.

1858 The first transatlantic cable was officially opened, with Queen Victoria sending a telegraphic message to US President James Buchanan.

1901 Britain's first cinema, the Mohawk, opened in Islington, north London. Films were accompanied by the 16-piece Fonobian Orchestra. At the height of their popularity in the 1940s, cinemas in Britain had average weekly attendances of 30 million.

Tuesday 4th August

Answers to Friday's quiz from Sam:

1. WHICH COUNTRY LEFT THE COMMONWEALTH IN 1949? Irish Republic
2. WHICH CASTLE WAS GEORGE 1 BORN IN? Osnabruck (Hanover)
3. WHAT IS THE NORWEGIAN PARLIAMENT CALLED? Sorting
4. IN WHICH COUNTRY IS THE CITY OF MONROVIA? Liberia
5. ANDROPHOBIA IS THE FEAR OF WHAT? Men
6. WHO HAD A 1980s NUMBER 1 WITH “THE MODEL”? Kraftwerk
7. WHO INVENTED THE CHRONOMETER? John Harrison
8. WHO MADE THE FILM “BAD PENNY BLUES”? Humphrey Littleton
9. THE AIRLINE LOT WAS BASED IN WHICH COUNTRY? Poland
10. THE PICOSECOND IS THE SMALLEST UNIT OF WHAT? Time
11. WHAT IS THE ONLY ENGLISH ANAGRAM OF INTRODUCE ? Reduction
12. WHICH UK PAPER SIZE IS 74mm X 105mm? A7
13. HOW MANY DEGREES ARE THERE IN EACH INTERNAL ANGLE OF A DODECAGON? 150
14. WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF THE U.S. STATE NEW JERSEY? Trenton
15. WHERE ARE THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE CIA? Langley, Virginia

Today's Famous Men quiz and this quiz and answers can be found from a link on this page.

Monday 3rd August

I hope at least one of these three jokes make you smile:

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are flies good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a fly in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Sunday 2nd August

Best Wishes if it is your birthday today.

Some names you may recognise who were also born on August 2nd:

1891 – Arthur Bliss, English composer and conductor (d. 1975)
1932 – Peter O'Toole, British-Irish actor and producer (d. 2013)
1954 – Sammy McIlroy, Northern Irish footballer and manager

Saturday 1st August

Good news:
Swimming pools are now re-opening, but, due to social distancing, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3 and 5.

Friday 31st July

The quiz and the answers to the Famous Women Quiz are available to view from the links on this page. Look out for the Famous Men Quiz on Tuesday.

Thursday 30th July

Some quotes for you to think about:

‘Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter’ — Mark Twain.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope

Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. – Lionel Kauffman

Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional. – Bob Monkhouse

The old begin to complain of the conduct of the young when they themselves are no longer able to set a bad example. – François de la Rochefoucauld

Wednesday 29th July

I hope these amuse you.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!"

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

Tuesday 28th July

Find today's Famous Women Quiz via link on this page.

Answers to this week's Sam's Friday Quiz:

1 WHAT IS A MALE FOX CALLED? Dog
2 WHICH COUNTRY HOSTED THE 1994 FOOTBAL WORLD CUP? USA
3 WHAT DOES THE M STAND FOR IN MIRAS? Mortgage
4 WHICH ABBA ALBUM HAD A FRENCH TITLE? Voulez-Vous
5 WHAT DOES THE P STAND FOR IN DTP? Publishing
6 WHAT WAS NAT KING COLE’S SINGING DAUGHTER CALLED? Natalie Maria Cole (1950-2015)
7 WHERE IN LONDON IS THE LUTINE BELL? Lloyds of London
8 WHAT IS NUMISMATICS? Study and collection of coins
9 BLUE AND SEAL-POINT ARE TYPES OF WHICH CAT? Siamese
10 WHAT WAS FIRST PUT INTO POUND NOTES IN 1940? Metal strips
11 WHAT WAS MOLIERE’S REAL NAME? Jean-Baptists Poquelin
12 WHOSE SECOND SHOP WAS CALLED“NOSTALGIA of MUD”? Vivienne Westwood
13 A “BATAVIA” IS A VARIETY OF WHAT? Lettuce
14 WHAT IS AMELEON? A type of Cider
15 WHAT IS THE CHEMICAL NAME OF VITAMIN B1? Thiamin

Quiz and answers are also available via a link on this page.

Monday 27th July

For those of you who have, or know someone who has a birthday today:

"Being a Leo born on July 27th, you experience the world outwardly and take any opportunity to interact with it. As a warm and loving person, you are greatly appreciated by your friends and family. Being a people person, you are highly outgoing and often find that you can't help but take control of situations."

Famous people born on July 27th:

1625 Edward Montagu, 1st Earl of Sandwich, English soldier, admiral and patron to Samuel Pepys, born in Barnwell (d. 1672)

1882 Geoffrey de Havilland, British aircraft designer, born in High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, England (d. 1965)

1929 Jack Higgins [Harry Patterson], British novelist (The Eagle Has Landed), born in Newcastle upon Tyne, England

1930 Shirley Williams, British politician (Social Democratic Party), born in London

1958 Christopher Dean, English Olympics skater (Torvill & Dean/Olympic gold 1984), born in Calverton, Nottinghamshire, England

Sunday 26th July

Some historical events that happened on this date:

1309 – Henry VII is recognized King of the Romans by Pope Clement V.
1745 – The first recorded women's cricket match takes place near Guildford, England.
1971 – Apollo program: Launch of Apollo 15 on the first Apollo "J-Mission", and first use of a Lunar Roving Vehicle.
2016 – Solar Impulse 2 becomes the first solar-powered aircraft to circumnavigate the Earth.

Saturday 25th July

Sorry about these.....

Why are green beans the most Zen of all vegetables? Because they’ve found their inner peas.

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.

What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh

What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.

Friday 24th July

Answers to Tuesday's Lancashire Places quizzes are available via a link on this page.

Sam's Quiz is available via a link on this page.

Thursday 23rd July

Events from history on this date:

1903 – The Ford Motor Company sells its first car.
1926 – Fox Film buys the patents of the Movietone sound system for recording sound onto film.
1962 – Telstar relays the first publicly transmitted, live trans-Atlantic television program, featuring Walter Cronkite.
1999 – Space Shuttle Columbia launches on STS-93, with Eileen Collins becoming the first female space shuttle commander. The shuttle also carried and deployed the Chandra X-ray Observatory

Wednesday 22nd July

In case you haven’t seen these - remember all the Covid jokes?

Is it too early to put up the Christmas Tree yet? I’ve run out of things to do.

If these last few months have taught us anything it is that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet.

Just wait a second - so what you’re telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others.

The spread of Covid-19 is based on 2 factors:
1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

Tuesday 21st July

This week's Tuesday quiz is local - Lancashire Places, and has missing letters places and photographs to identify. It can be found by a link on this page.

Answers to Sam's Quiz last Friday:

1 IN WHICH COUNTRY IS THE CITY OF LEON? Mexico
2 WHAT IS PARONOMASIA? A play on words
3 WHAT IS THE ONLY ENGLISH ANAGRAM OF “ FOUNDLING”? Unfolding
4 FROM WHICH U.S. STATE WOULD A NUTMEGGER COME FROM? Connecticut
5 IN WHICH COUNTRY IS THE CITY OF MEDELLIN? Colombia
6 ACOUSTICOPHOBIA IS THE FEAR OF WHAT? Noise
7 WHO OR WHAT ARE CHIFONIE, ORLANDO AND PAUL? Names used by crossword compilers
8 WHICH U.S. STATE IS KNOWN AS THE CAMELLIA STATE? Alabama
9 EILEEN SHERIDAN WAS A RECORD BREAKER AT WHICH SPORT? Cycling
10 WHO WROTE “CORRIDORS OF POWER”? C.P. Snow
11 ON WHICH RIVER DOES KILMARNOCK STAND? Irvine
12 WHO INVENTED PORTLAND CEMENT? Joseph Aspdin
13 WHO REPLACED ALDERSHOT IN THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE? Barnet
14 IS MOLDOVA IN EUROPE OR AFRICA? Europe
15 WHAT IS THE NAME GIVEN TO A BABY KANGAROO? Joey

Monday 20th July

Some silly jokes to hopefully raise a little smile:

'I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions". '

'A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?" '

'Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.'

'I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.'

Sunday 19th July

Some positive quotes for a sunny Sunday:

1. “ Keep your face always toward the sunshine—and shadows will fall behind you.” — Helen Keller

2. “ Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” ...

3. “ Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” ...

4. “You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ...